Honor and Nurture in the Family
Main Idea of Ephesians:
Ephesians reveals God’s eternal plan to unite all things in Christ, detailing our spiritual riches, the Church’s unity as His body, and our calling to live out this new identity.
Recap from Last Lesson:
In our previous two lessons (Eph 5:22-33), we explored how a Spirit-filled life transforms marriage into a living picture of the gospel. We saw the wife’s call to respectful submission and the husband’s call to sacrificial, Christ-like love, revealing the profound mystery of Christ’s relationship with His bride, the Church. Now, Paul continues applying the principle of mutual submission to the next relationship in the household: parents and children.
Questions to Consider:
The command for children is to “obey your parents in the Lord.” What does the phrase “in the Lord” add to this command? What might be the limits of this obedience?
Paul then broadens the command from “obey” to “honor.” What is the difference between obeying and honoring your father and mother? Why is this the “first commandment with a promise”?
The command to fathers is negative: “do not provoke your children to anger.” What are some ways a father might unintentionally provoke his children?
The positive command is to “bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” What is the difference between “discipline” and “instruction”?
How does this passage challenge both the modern tendency to center all of family life on the children and the older tendency to be overly authoritarian?
The Text:
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, because this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with a promise, so that it may go well with you and that you may have a long life in the land. Fathers, don’t stir up anger in your children, but bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
– Ephesians 6:1-4 (CSB)
Observations:
A Shift in Audience: Paul directly addresses children, a radical inclusion in a culture that often viewed them as property rather than as moral agents responsible before God.
From Specific to General: The command moves from the specific action of “obey” (relevant while a child is in the home) to the lifelong attitude of “honor.”
Old Testament Grounding: Paul quotes the Fifth Commandment directly from Exodus 20:12, grounding his instruction in the timeless wisdom of God’s commands, which find their ultimate fulfillment and application for the believer in Christ.
A Father’s Responsibility: While the command applies to both parents, Paul specifically addresses “Fathers” as the head of the household, giving them the primary responsibility for the spiritual tone and training within the home.
Balanced Commands: Just as with husbands and wives, the commands are balanced. The child’s responsibility is paired with the parent’s responsibility, creating a reciprocal relationship of respect and care.
Interpretation:
The Child’s Duty: Obedience and Honor (vv. 1-3): The first duty of a child is obedience “in the Lord.” This means their obedience to their parents is an expression of their obedience to Christ. It is “right” because it reflects the created order and God’s own law. Paul then elevates this to “honor,” an attitude of respect, reverence, and care that extends beyond childhood into adulthood. He reinforces this by citing the promise attached to the Fifth Commandment—that of well-being and longevity—showing that living according to God’s design leads to blessing.
The Father’s Duty: Nurture, Not Provocation (v. 4): Paul gives fathers a crucial two-part instruction:
The Prohibition: “Do not provoke your children to anger.” This warns against parenting that is harsh, unreasonable, hypocritical, or discouraging. A father must not use his authority to crush a child’s spirit but to build it up.
The Positive Command: “Bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” This is the father’s primary task. “Discipline” (paideia) refers to the whole process of training and corrective guidance. “Instruction” (nouthesia) refers to verbal teaching, warning, and encouragement from the Scriptures. The key is that both are “of the Lord.” The father is not teaching his own rules or wisdom, but God’s. He is acting as God’s steward in raising the next generation of believers.
Application:
For Children (and Adult Children): Do you obey your parents in a way that honors the Lord? As an adult, do you still “honor” your parents with your words, actions, and care, even when you disagree?
For Fathers (and Mothers): Is your parenting style marked more by provocation or by patient nurture? Are you intentionally bringing your children up in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord,” making the gospel and the Word central to your home?
For the Church: How can the church community support parents in their discipleship task and model healthy, honoring relationships between generations?
Connection to the Main Idea:
This passage continues to show how a Spirit-filled life reorders our most basic relationships according to God’s design. By children honoring parents and fathers nurturing their children in the Lord, the family becomes a powerful testimony to the wisdom and grace of God. This creates a stable, godly foundation that is essential for the health and “unity of the Church as His body.”
How Does This Text Point to Christ?
The entire framework is Christ-centered. Children obey “in the Lord.” Fathers provide instruction “of the Lord.” Our model for a perfect parent-child relationship is that of God the Father and God the Son. Christ Himself modeled perfect honor and obedience to His heavenly Father, even unto death. Likewise, God the Father perfectly disciplines and instructs His children (Hebrews 12:5-11) not out of anger, but out of love, for their ultimate good.
Summary:
Paul applies the principles of a Spirit-filled life to the parent-child relationship. Children are called to obey and honor their parents as an act of obedience to the Lord, which is rooted in a command from God that reflects His timeless design for human relationships and carries a promise of blessing. Fathers are charged not to provoke their children to anger through harshness, but to lovingly and intentionally raise them in the holistic training and biblical instruction that comes from the Lord.
Be Intentional:
If you have children at home: Fathers, this week, focus on the positive command. Set aside a specific time (even if it’s just a short time) to provide “instruction of the Lord” through a family devotion, a catechism question, or reading a Bible story together.
If you are an adult child: This week, find a tangible way to “honor” your parents. Call them, write them a letter expressing gratitude, or help them with a specific need, doing it as an act of service to the Lord.
Ask Yourself:
(For all) Does my family dynamic reflect the gospel’s balance of authority and nurture, or has it been shaped more by the world’s patterns?
(For parents) Is my primary goal for my children their worldly success and happiness, or their growth in the “discipline and instruction of the Lord”?
(For children) Do I see obedience to my parents as a chore, or as a way to honor the Lord who placed them in my life?
Bibliography:
Carson, D. A. (General Editor). NIV Biblical Theology Study Bible (NIVBTSB). Zondervan.
Merida, Tony. Exalting Jesus in Ephesians (Christ-Centered Exposition Commentary – CCE). B&H Publishing Group.
O’Brien, Peter T. The Letter to the Ephesians (Pillar New Testament Commentary – PNTC). Eerdmans.
Stott, John R. W. The Message of Ephesians (The Bible Speaks Today – BST). InterVarsity Press.
Thielman, Frank. Ephesians (Baker Exegetical Commentary on the New Testament – BECNT). Baker Academic.
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